Philzone.org Discussion Board: Archive 2004: Sports and Trivia Archive 2004: A UNC Crispmus Muricle

This makes for a funny read......sent to me by a Wolfpack co-worker.


A Crispmus Muricle
By Raha-aha-shad McCants


Twas da nite befo Easter, you know wha’ ahm sayin’?
No, wait, I mean Christmas, (dis kronic ain’t playin’)
I done had exams, erry thang seemed jus fine
I had colored bof pictures, stayed inside de line.

The team was all hangin, dey was at dey cribs
Except for ol’ Sean, who was out eatin’ ribs
My girrfriend Fallujah was waitin’ on me
Wif her hair up in dreads and her massive boo-ty.

When outside my dorm, dude start crankin his tunes
I jumped off my ho, (her azz big as TWO moons)
I jerked on the door, but the mofo was locked
Who ebber dis was was goan’ get his world rocked.

I went out de window but tripped on de curtain
I landed so hard that my kids will be hurtin
I looked up, said “damn!”, guess my eyes was all hazy
But there sat Coach Smif in some ride that was crazy…

Man, here I was, ready to give an azz whippin
But what I saw would make the pope think he trippin.
He had old school ballers all tied by a rope
To some wakked up old sled, (man, it mus be dis dope).

There was Zwikker, O’Koren, my boy Michael J
Montrose, Al Wood, and ol’ Brad Do-ri-tay
They all started pullin, Coach whipped wif a “Crack”
I ran dey azz down and I jumped in de back.

The next thing I know we wuz flyin around
(I just smoked one blunt, but it weighed half a pound)
“We will grant you one wish” came his old whiney voice,
“We will make you a champion? A rap star? Your choice!”

Man, ol’ fool can’t drive, it was scarey as hell
We near hit de Dean Dome and sideswiped de well
I grabbed his old throat and I snatched him around
And said, “Fool you had bes’ put dis b*tch on de ground!”

We dropped like a stone, headed straight for my place
My eyes started buggin, I covered my face.
“I must have your wish kid” (ol’ fool was retarded)
But I said what the hell and I got my brain started.

“Make me de bes’ player in all of the land
And mama a house that costs ten hundred grand”
Coach Smif went all crazy, his face turned all blue
He screamed “ONE, but I’m proud you can count up to two.”

We screeched to a halt, I was back safe at last
But I need one wish and I needed it fast
So I told that ol’ fool, I screamed right in his ear
To hell with my mama, Play-uh ub de Year!

I stood as they left me, all laughing like fools
“We gave him a wish, but now he thinks he’s Jules!”

Damn, and here I was not going to step up and get in your grill about the asswhoopin' "welcome to the ACC" that your Gobblers, or whatever they are called, received courtesy of the Heels. This above attempt at whatever is weak. I thought you were better than that Sarah. Guess I was wrong. Come strong or don't come at all. The ultimate irony of all is that an NCSU supporter can even use a computer

Even with a night's sleep under my belt this is still just as weak as it was last night. I was willing to say that a healthy amount of wine might have clouded my judgement on this, but in the light of day it is still, to quote the Awesome-O 4000, "totally lame." Have a take, don't suck

Yep, even on the 26th: LAME!

Wow, three posts in reply, and no one else even posting. I daresay a nerve has been struck! Congrats Sarah, I didn't bother to read the poem as I have no opinion on the ACC, but I am impressed at how well that seems to have hit home. I must remember it, as it seems to drive UNC fans wild.

So only UNC fans are upset by racism? I know it's supposed to be funny, but that's some racist shit, and not even very well written at that. Which is to be expected, given that the original source is an NCSU backer.

he shoulda axed for anudda wisht..

I agree Floyd, silly and lame, McCants is MUCH more team oriented and articulate than THAT!

but the brutha DOES, however, bare an uncanny resemblence to Rasheed Wallace....

I think he looks more like Stackhouse than 'Sheed.