Philzone.org Discussion Board: Archive 2004: Hep C Archive: Still UNDETECTABLE at week #24

Hi all..I'm checking in to report that my viral load test at week 24 still showed undetectable for hep c virus. Neutrophils are down a bit, but Im still cool for NO Neulasta or Neupogen yet. Red blood cells getting better..alt and ast still 27 and 28. Normal.

Ive had some computer problems as of late, as well as way too much going on with family emergencies, family illnesses, the three businesses.yadda yadda yadda. Im OK though. Really OK. Im happy to report that because of my fab therapist.....I still get the ribarage and the blues..but Im compartmentalizing the emotions so theyre not toxic to me or my health. A lot of you wrote back both online and personally after my last kinda dramatic posts about my family troubles....and encouraged.."forgiveness" about a lotta stuff..I actually worked very hard for 3 weeks mantra-ing FORGIVE FORGIVE...meditating on it all..etc..and THEN.. my brother lost his 50th job, and has to move home again to my mom, his chief enabler, and I will be being asked to foot the bill for most of it financially, as Im the only one with many resources these days.....So...I finally..after 50 years of frustration with these 2 gentically linked people to me......said what I needed to say to them to self preserve my sanity, yet be as helpful a family memebr I could be without condoning my brothers constant screw ups..self induced....this one was a second case of him as a high school teacher, not doing anything too perverted to his students, but making sexual allusions, sharing cigarettes, etc with 17 year old students under his teacher-ship.....and being fired after being reported for inappropriate stuff....So.......am I supposed to genteely and pollyanna-ishly 'forgive' his sh*t..or let him know that Im pissed, angry and furious and actually feel like 'divorcing' him......cause all his misery, which gets transferred to my mom, and then ends up on ME.....makes me really stressed. All the family stress has made the blood sugar numbers do some wacky spikes...but because of therapy..Im really calm, sane and not in that frantic mode over it all. I tried to write this in a post last week particularly to big Dave who initated me into the philzone mentality..and assured me there was a silver lining to my hep c....well Dave..that lining is now found..a route to dealing with long standing problems that shoulda been dealt with long ago. Now....Im dealing....and dealing well.

Walt and Mark...I think of you guys daily......and know youre thinking of me too.....and it feels great...I cant wait to meet you all in the flesh someday./.and attach real people to all these encouraging words.....

I also had a terrific visit from Hoff....an excellent guy....and we had a real easy, nice cup o java and good talk. A new friend.....a cool as hell guy....someone I would have chosen to be friends with hep c or not......

Made my week Hoff..thanks bud.

Peace to y'all....

I enjoyed reading your post!Very great news about your viral load, it's nice to hear successes. I noticed sometime after 50 I started to let go of a lot of the family and friends stuff.Once I started letting other people be accountable for their own lives I noticed my life got a LOT better and they seemed to do just fine with nothing more from me than sympathy and a smile. I was pretty sure that I needed to continually "save" people and that I had some sort of moral obligation to do just that. I'm over that now and everyone seems to be just fine!! Good luck and know that letting others fail is a great way to show them that you have confidence in their ability to save themselves!! Whatever...

Big Matt
So glad to hear from you!!
>> I think of you guys daily<< Yep, you got it..
Mark stayed with Kimberly and I overnite Thursday- totally enjoyable time- and you were on our minds,of course.
Sounds like you are doing really well, considering. Good for you. Family..gotta love 'em.
It's tough here on that front. Family's gotta figure out that my reserves are pretty low right now, too. Energy/funds/emotions can't be squandered right now.
Sounds like you are doing GRATE overall, and we're really happy you are making it.
You are round the corner and headed for the finish. It's just a war of tenacity now.
Mark tells me he should be getting his results next Tues. or so.
Glad you posted, hope you are around for Sunday Morning, too.

Hey Now Matt...GREAT NEWS, undetectable at week 24. I know it's been a struggle at times for you, as it was for me but YOU are doing alright.I hope to hop on the bus again in Jan.

It's like they say, you can pick your friends , but not your family....and like you, I had some problems with my brother. I delayed my TX. as he had become very ill, lost his job and was being evicted. I moved him into my house, , he went into TX. for his own problems and when he was stable I began mine TX. He was such a pain in the ass I wound up kicking him out while I was on TX....as he was no help and was actually a hindrance. I was jacked up on ribas and couldn't put up with his horse shit. I had to distance myself at the time to keep from throttling him lol. We are back on speaking terms and I have "forgiven him "..but how do you really forgive someone who takes NO responsabilty for their actions? I keep him in my prayers..
You are in my prayers too..keep up the fight!..peace...mack

Matt,
WOOO HOOO!!! Gotta love the undetectable!! Great news. Sounds like you are dealing with the family stuff real well too. I'm glad for you bro.

It was great to meet you this week, and I'm happy to have you as a friend. Your establishments are very cool, as are you. I'm real glad I took the time to see you, it gave me a real boost. Thanks!

If any of you folks are ever passing through beautiful upstate NY let Matt and I know and we'll all hook up for some kind times.

Peace to all,
Hoff

"-----Energy/funds/emotions can't be squandered right now-----"

That says it all Walt..ill try to live that.

Matt

Always glad to see anyone with great results. This time of year is stressful enough. But your news for you personally is a great Christmas gift.
Family, we wouldn't be here without them but I know what you are talking about. Some of us just do not fly well. We are taught the basics, then schooled, aconscience is supposed to be there but lo and behold someone in each family seems not
to get the drift of what is going on...It is easy to say well don't help...but where would all of us be without some help from time to time.
Maybe show him this site and others to make him aware of what's going on. Some just have to be taken to water..This site all the different rooms should show him there are responsibilities
that occur during this small lifetime that have positive and definitely negative chain reactions.
Listen to some tunes, relax and remember you are almost done! In the end most of us find our way..
the Good Sheperd's job is always open...right now you must get well. He must grow up! I wish that maybe this next year will be his coming of Age!
Prayers do not go unanswered, the messenger are just busy sometimes. Keep the faith.

Matt....
Congrats on the good news!! Hang tough as usual > "Love Will See You Through!!"

I really feel that Diana hit it on the nail on the head when she said something along the line of letting go, and letting your brother and other family members take care of some of these problems at hand. Man....your going through alot of shit right now, with these tx's, and you really don't need to be overloading your system by taking on all their problems!! Sure, I understand they are your family and all, but at the same time......will it really be worth it if you bail him out, only to end up building up resentment in your heart and almost having a breakdown cause your trying to take on all of these problems on your shoulders!! C'mon buddy, take a load off Fanny.....take a load for free!!

Seriously, I really agree that your family will survive, even if you back off a bit.
It's your life, so you know what you got to do, and God knows I don't want to be telling you something only to have it backfire on you, but I only want to see you happy, and not have the very life sucked out of you, cause that's what can happen sometimes if your not careful.
I'm not saying anyone in your own family would purposely do something to hurt you......but in looking out for themselves, that just might happen. Please be careful my friend......

You'd really be surprised at how people will manage to get by, and work things out on their own if you step back and let them. If your always there to rescue them.....then how do you think they are going to ever manage without you?

....Anyway, don't mean to sound pushy or overstep my boundries....just some friendly thoughts that may or may not make sense to you. Take it for what it's worth, and best wishes to you as always....

Matt....
Congrats on the good news!! Hang tough as usual > "Love Will See You Through!!"

I really feel that Diana hit it on the nail on the head when she said something along the line of letting go, and letting your brother and other family members take care of some of these problems at hand. Man....your going through alot of shit right now, with these tx's, and you really don't need to be overloading your system by taking on all their problems!! Sure, I understand they are your family and all, but at the same time......will it really be worth it if you bail him out, only to end up building up resentment in your heart and almost having a breakdown cause your trying to take on all of these problems on your shoulders!! C'mon buddy, take a load off Fanny.....take a load for free!!

Seriously, I really agree that your family will survive, even if you back off a bit.
It's your life, so you know what you got to do, and God knows I don't want to be telling you something only to have it backfire on you, but I only want to see you happy, and not have the very life sucked out of you, cause that's what can happen sometimes if your not careful.
I'm not saying anyone in your own family would purposely do something to hurt you......but in looking out for themselves, that just might happen. Please be careful my friend......

You'd really be surprised at how people will manage to get by, and work things out on their own if you step back and let them. If your always there to rescue them.....then how do you think they are going to ever manage without you?

....Anyway, don't mean to sound pushy or overstep my boundries....just some friendly thoughts that may or may not make sense to you. Take it for what it's worth, and best wishes to you as always....

Ooooops! Didn't mean to double post.

Anyway, after re-reading your post there Matt, you do sound like you have a pretty good grip on things there, so keep up the good work brother!!
I hope your feeling well, and that your business is doing very well? Do you stay open on X-Mas? Just wondering.....if many folks stop by for a foot-long dog on Christmas Day?

" Have A Great Holiday Season"

Gawd....I love these threads.

It seems when our whole world is crashing down around us everyone around steps up to fortify our reserves. Keep on keepin' on; Matt!

Alright Matt! Always good to hear and it gives hope to everyone that is enduring the tx.