Philzone.org Discussion Board: Archive 2004: Hep C Archive: HepC Humor Thread

Well...having Hep C is not funny, but ya gotta take it all in stride sometimes....so I figgered...why not try to lift up some spirits....

So, let's see where this goes.....

So I guess I'll start this off for you pholks who are drinking alot of water....

Water is alright...but watch out for those side effects!

Laughter is definaly the best medicine when your feeling dowm.This could be a real sicko thread. Lets see what develops. Peace LOL

Cyrus SAYS: Daddy, how was I born?

DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway!
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to
a
download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was
too
late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up
appeared and said:
You've Got Male!
And that's the story, Virus...I mean Cyrus.

Hey, is that woman Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife?

A wacky and krazy Hepman saga that never fails to leave me splitting a gut. HEPMAN......my hero.



http://tinpan.fortunecity.com/floyd/587/framelaff.htm

My Portal to the zone.

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.


"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.

"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again, the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.

"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop here."

Tom
DO YOU PROMISE... Not only SVR but I finally get some Chi Chis. Oh my gosh, let me get up. Life is good. Life is GREAT

LOL...Great thread...
This ones got me written all over it !

I needed that Wolf joke...great way to knock out the rainy day blues here in Pa! Shelly

Jeff Foxworthy on Colorado:
> > > > >
"YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN COLORADO WHEN...."
> > > > >
You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.
> > > > >
You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
> > > > >
Your sense of direction is; towards the mountains and away from the
mountains.
> > > > >
You're a meat eating vegetarian.
> > > > >
The bike on your car is worth more than your car.
> > > > >
You use a down comforter in the summer because you have the a/c on
at 55 degrees.
> > > > >
You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
> > > > >
You take your out of town guests to Casa Bonita even though you
would never go there otherwise.
> > > > >
You install security lights on your house and garage but leave all
doors unlocked.
> > > > >
You think the major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire
Beer.
> > > > >
You carry jumper cables in the car and your girlfriend knows how to
use them.
> > > > >
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
> > > > >
Driving is better in the winter cause the pot holes are filled with
snow.
> > > > >
You think that sexy lingerie is tube sox and flannel PJs.
> > > > >
You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and
construction".
> > > > >
You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team's victory.
> > > > >
You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from
altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
> > > > >
You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't
get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
> > > > >
You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.
> > > > >
When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer
and not get a buzz.
> > > > >
Your car insurance costs more than your car.
> > > > >
You have surge protectors on every outlet.
> > > > >
April showers bring May blizzards.
> > > > >
You see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and you look closer
to see if it's anyone you know.
> > > > >
'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been. Many times.
> > > > >
You know what a 'Chinook' is.
You know what a 'Rocky Mountain oyster' is.
You know what a 'fourteener' is.
But you don't know what a 'turn signal' is.
> > > > >
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a
Democrat in Congress does.
> > > > >
Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.
> > > > >
You know who Alfred Packer was.
You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.
You know who Jim Beckworth was.
You'd be happier if you didn't know who Barbara Streisand was.
> > > > >
SPF 90 is not out of the question.
> > > > >
People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.
> > > > >
Thunder has set off your car alarm.
> > > > >
You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.
> > > > >
A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
> > > > >
You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
> > > > >
"Where we're going, we don't need roads!!"
> > > > >
You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.
You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.
You know where the real 'South Park' is.
> > > > >
You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
> > > > >
Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'
> > > > >
You've used 'checking for ticks' as an excuse to get someone naked.
> > > > >
You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.
> > > > >
You've gone skiing in July.
You've gone sunbathing in January.
They were both in the same year.
> > > > >
You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run
into both oceans'.

And most important:

You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that
California and Texas are both downstream.
> > > > >
You actually understand these jokes and send them to your friends.

Oh...almost forgot...I started a web site a while back while deep into hep med lala land...

Appears as though several people had decided to take well known song lyrics and twist them around with a hepc slant....some are quite funny and some are a little dumb, but what the hey. So began that site as a sort of repository for hepsongs. A dude named Bill Buckles was quite prolific at one time...I did a few..others did a few, and theres one who quite regularly posts there...

This collection can be found at:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/hepsongs/

Feel free to add to it...

I loved Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

That was great!

Vh1 is running "Coolest Years-The Dirty Hippies" amusing, anyone seen it?

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see The bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of
The bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had To elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice - even
with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy.

He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with Me and that's now
one of my dreams too.

John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the Cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Judith

P.S.: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things In life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Hmmm...I wonder if this will work...

DEPRESSED?
OVERWORKED?
JOB SUCK?
UNAPPRECIATED?
FAMILY PROBLEMS?
MONEY WORRIES?
WELL HERE'S A PILL FOR YOU!
FUKITOL
1000 mg
WHEN LIFE JUST BLOWS.....FUKITOL!

I need a double dose.Not really I just rest when I'm tired and pray.I try to fight my fears by reaching out.It's better to stay connected because Rob alone is in bad company,but the moods swing pass and I get in a better space.All of us have to hang in there.Stay warm peace Rob

I thought I would share this! My big sister from florida was trying to cheer me up I think. I did laugh my ass off. Have a smile today! PEACE Rose

> An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
> buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
>
> The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall
> mug of coffee.
>
> The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the
> buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere,
> then just walks out.
>
> The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand
> pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter
> and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
>
> The waiter says, "Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
> What was all that about, anyway?"
>
> The Indian smiles and proudly says: "Training for upper management
> position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to
> clean up, disappear for rest of day. "